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IMRAN.TV's "Gotta Love It" Selections - by Imran Anwar via Talkr.com

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Witty Quotations
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself~~ "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain...

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[ Wed, 14 Oct 2009 09:58:00 -0700 ]


More Blonde Jokes
OKLAHOMA Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'CAR TROUBLEA blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'She asks, 'How often do I have t...

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[ Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:53:00 -0700 ]


Truly Glorious Insults without 4-letter words
These glorious insults are from an era before all the insults of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words...The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your poli...

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[ Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:54:00 -0700 ]


Happy and Sad
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."She said, "You have the biggest penis of all your friends." ...

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[ Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:06:00 -0700 ]


Mixed-up Birthday Gift
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note romantic, but not too personal.Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without chec...

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[ Fri, 04 Sep 2009 23:55:00 -0700 ]


Eight Words with two meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n..Female....... Any part under a car's hood.Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.Male..... Playing football without a cup.3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .Female.... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.Female.... A des...

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[ Mon, 24 Aug 2009 02:23:00 -0700 ]


Thoughts for Today
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.A penny saved is a government oversight.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends..The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.He who hesitates is probably right.Did you ...

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[ Tue, 07 Jul 2009 17:38:00 -0700 ]


Thoughts for Today
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.A penny saved is a government oversight.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends..The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.He who hesitates is probably right.Did you ...

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[ Tue, 07 Jul 2009 17:38:00 -0700 ]


Speeding in Pennsylvania
1) Good: An Erie , PA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD.' Officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS' . . . and a bucket full of money. (And we kids used to just sell lemonade!) 2) Better: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Pittsbur...

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[ Sun, 28 Jun 2009 05:30:00 -0700 ]


All Temperatures Are Relative!
60 Degrees F: Floridians, Californians, & Hawaiians turn on the heat Wisconsinites are out sunbathing 40 degrees F: Italian & English cars won't start Wisconsin motorists drive with the top down 20 degrees F: New York landlords finally turn on the heat Wisconsinites have the last cookout before it gets cold -20 degrees F: Californians flee to Mexico and Hawaii Wisconsin Girl Scouts are selling cookies door-to-door -40 degrees F: Washington DC runs out of hot air Wisconsinites let the dog...

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[ Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:56:00 -0700 ]


What Is That Thing Called?
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.He'd been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'She was a little taken a-back, but she decided to tell him the truth.. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the ...

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[ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 03:02:00 -0700 ]


Dictionary of Common Phrases In Personals
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[ Sun, 14 Jun 2009 17:13:00 -0700 ]


Men & Women Factoids?
Smart man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb woman = affairDumb man + smart woman = marriageDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancyOFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profitSmart boss + dumb employee = productionDumb boss + smart employee = promotionDumb boss + dumb employee = overtimeSHOPPING MATHA man will pay $200 for a $100 item he needs.A woman will pay $100 for a $200 item that she doesn't need.GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICSA woman worries about the future until she gets...

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[ Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:42:00 -0700 ]


Great Sayings Of Police Officers
These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your Birth certificate a worthless document."#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.."#12 "Can you ru...

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[ Wed, 08 Apr 2009 21:44:00 -0700 ]


When I Say I'm Broke, I'm Broke
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner."Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.""Go away!" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot...

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[ Sun, 29 Mar 2009 04:57:00 -0800 ]


Lake Charles Job Application
Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."Bubba asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct; this being ...

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[ Wed, 14 Jan 2009 08:14:00 -0800 ]


"Don't Know Much About History" ?
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Sarah Palin also happened to be attending. Ms. Palin took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease."Would you mind telling me, "Doctor," she asked, "How do you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with ...

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[ Thu, 08 Jan 2009 05:00:00 -0800 ]


Confirmed Bachelor
A marriage broker goes to see Mr. A, a confirmed bachelor for many years."Mr. A, don't let it get too late. I have exactly the woman you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" the marriage broker said."Don't bother;" replied Mr. A, "I've got two sisters at home, who look after all my needs. I am happy with that arrangement.""That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill t...

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[ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 02:05:00 -0800 ]


How Government Works
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said,- "Someone may steal from it at night."So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said,- "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said,- "How will we know the night watch...

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[ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 05:48:00 -0800 ]


Love Life As A Pilot
Her Diary:Tonight I thought my pilot boyfriend was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had...

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[ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 03:20:00 -0800 ]


Remembering (And) God's Words
Cohen showed up at synagogue one Saturday, and the rabbi almost fell down when he saw him. Cohen had never been seen in a synagogue in a long time. After Services, the rabbi caught Cohen and said: "Mr. Cohen, I am so glad you decided to come here. What made you come?" Cohen said: "I got to be honest with you, Rabbi, a while back, I misplaced my favorite hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that Levy had one just like mine, and I knew that Levy came to Services every Saturday. I knew ...

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[ Sat, 29 Nov 2008 03:15:00 -0800 ]


Contact Officer,
Contact Officer,We are pleased to inform you of the result of the of the Once Promo Lotto World Wide programs held on the 14th of Nov 2008.Your e-mail address attached to Ticket Number: TKLES/9117/06ES with Game Number.99774 drew Lucky Numbers;725.8170.645which consequently won. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of One Million Euros Only (?1,000,000.00 Euros)CONGRATULATIONS!!All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over100.000.00 Compan...

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[ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 14:23:00 -0800 ]


CALL TO CONFIRM...
website: www.lotto.nlBatch No.998/7890/543Ref No.512/333/765Ticket/Series No.SPL77734Amount Won: $2,000,000.00 USDwww.lotto.nl Attn: EMAIL BEARER,Upon the conclusion of our recent e-lottery draws, your email address wasselected from an exclusive list of 150,000 email addressesgenerated from an internet resource database.You are therefore to receive a cash prize of $2,000,000.00. (Two MillionUnited States Dollars). To file for the processing of your prize sum payment, you are advised tocontact ou...

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[ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 13:32:00 -0800 ]


From Miis Stella Moroba
From Miss Stella........ ( stella_15m@yahoo.fr ) I am writing these letters with due respects and hears full of tears since we Have not known or met ourselves previously I am asking for your assistance After I have gone through a profile that speaks well of you. I want to find out if it's possible for you to deal with individual as to investment. I came across your profile and I feel it's highly reputable that is why I pick an interest getting across to you in respect of investmen...

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[ Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:28:00 -0800 ]


From Mr Rich Orgaranya
P { MARGIN: 0px } From Mr Rich OrgaranyaAbidjan Republic of Cote D'Ivoire,West AfricaDear ,Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you, I got your contact from your country directory, please i need a trust-worthy person that will help me to transfer this money.I am Rich Orgaranya, the only Son of late Mr and Mrs Bawam Orgaranya. My father was a very wealthy Gold Merchant in Monrovia the Gold Capital, republic of Liberia all in west Africa. my father ...

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[ Sat, 15 Nov 2008 23:48:00 -0800 ]


From Jennifa Crying for help.
Dearest beloved One, My name is Jennifa Williams, 21years old girl, And the only survival of my late parents Mr.and Mrs Williams Johnson. My father was a highly reputable busnness magnet-(a cocoa merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days. Realy It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on 12th.November 2005. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected by one of his brother who accompan...

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[ Fri, 14 Nov 2008 23:02:00 -0800 ]


TREAT AS URGENT.
From: Mrs. Agatha Kaba & David Junior.Rue 12, Avenue 16 Agboville. Abidjan - Cote D`Ivoire.Date: Nove 2008. Dearest My name is Mrs. Agatha Kaba, a nationality of Ivory Cost. I am married to late Dr. Charles David Kaba, who worked with France Embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2003. We were married for twenty years with a child. My husband died after a brief illness that lasted for four days. Before his death, my husband deposited the sum of $5 Million with...

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[ Fri, 14 Nov 2008 10:40:00 -0800 ]


Event accepted: Ticketless Confirmation - ANWAR/IMRAN - 2CMU3K
BEGIN:VCALENDAR PRODID:-//Apple Inc.//iCal 3.0//EN CALSCALE:GREGORIAN VERSION:2.0 METHOD:REPLY BEGIN:VTIMEZONE TZID:America/New_York BEGIN:DAYLIGHT TZOFFSETFROM:-0500 TZOFFSETTO:-0400 DTSTART:20070311T020000 RRULE:FREQ=YEARLY;BYMONTH=3;BYDAY=2SU TZNAME:EDT END:DAYLIGHT BEGIN:STANDARD TZOFFSETFROM:-0400 TZOFFSETTO:-0500 DTSTART:20071104T020000 RRULE:FREQ=YEARLY;BYMONTH=11;BYDAY=1SU TZNAME:EST END:STANDARD END:VTIMEZONE BEGIN:VEVENT SEQUENCE:4 DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20081120T121000 DTSTAMP:...

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[ Fri, 14 Nov 2008 03:15:00 -0800 ]


Event accepted: Ticketless Confirmation - ANWAR/IMRAN - 2X4U36
BEGIN:VCALENDAR PRODID:-//Apple Inc.//iCal 3.0//EN CALSCALE:GREGORIAN VERSION:2.0 METHOD:REPLY BEGIN:VTIMEZONE TZID:America/New_York BEGIN:DAYLIGHT TZOFFSETFROM:-0500 TZOFFSETTO:-0400 DTSTART:20070311T020000 RRULE:FREQ=YEARLY;BYMONTH=3;BYDAY=2SU TZNAME:EDT END:DAYLIGHT BEGIN:STANDARD TZOFFSETFROM:-0400 TZOFFSETTO:-0500 DTSTART:20071104T020000 RRULE:FREQ=YEARLY;BYMONTH=11;BYDAY=1SU TZNAME:EST END:STANDARD END:VTIMEZONE BEGIN:VEVENT SEQUENCE:4 DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20081128T092500 DTSTAMP:...

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[ Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:49:00 -0800 ]


Event accepted: Ticketless Confirmation - ANWAR/IMRAN - 2CMU3K
BEGIN:VCALENDAR PRODID:-//Apple Inc.//iCal 3.0//EN CALSCALE:GREGORIAN VERSION:2.0 METHOD:REPLY BEGIN:VTIMEZONE TZID:America/New_York BEGIN:DAYLIGHT TZOFFSETFROM:-0500 TZOFFSETTO:-0400 DTSTART:20070311T020000 RRULE:FREQ=YEARLY;BYMONTH=3;BYDAY=2SU TZNAME:EDT END:DAYLIGHT BEGIN:STANDARD TZOFFSETFROM:-0400 TZOFFSETTO:-0500 DTSTART:20071104T020000 RRULE:FREQ=YEARLY;BYMONTH=11;BYDAY=1SU TZNAME:EST END:STANDARD END:VTIMEZONE BEGIN:VEVENT SEQUENCE:2 DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20081121T121000 DTSTAMP:...

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[ Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:49:00 -0800 ]

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