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NewsPox

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Language: English
Category: Variety / Comedy
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Newspox 12 November.mp3

hello. This is the news: * It's all gone to pot - bears are in trouble, London is burning and bird flu is back. * On the plus side, I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here is a back and we aren't going to get hit by an asteroid just yet. ...

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[ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:17:18 +0000 ]

newspox 6 November.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Dogs get their own walk of fame. * Wonky buildings rule * Breast is best, as is a nice lie-in * Scorpians can pounce, especially when they launch themselves from fruit. * Did Barry George kill Jill Dando? We're not convinced....

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[ Tue, 06 Nov 2007 17:59:21 +0000 ]

newspox 5 November.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * Paula Radcliffe and Katy Holmes do the NY marathon proving mums can run * Boyzone reform. Donate enough to Children in Need and they won't sing. * King Tut is a dessicated babe. * Flies do some stuff....

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[ Mon, 05 Nov 2007 17:39:58 +0000 ]

newspox 29 October.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * List of genius's comes out. It's a bit silly. * Pop stars beware - there has been a spate of onstage injuries * Bianca to return to Eastenders, Vera to die in Corrie. * Minks and naked men on the loose!...

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[ Mon, 29 Oct 2007 17:45:43 +0000 ]

NewsPox 24 October.mp3

Hello. This is our news: * James Blunt inexplicably attractive to publicity hungry blondes * Russian serial killer is banged to rights * but he'll have a cushy time in prison, as they live in total luxury * An old elephant is very old. ...

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[ Wed, 24 Oct 2007 17:51:20 +0100 ]

Newspox 23 October.mp3

Hello. This, and only this, is the news: * Monkeys kill man. * Boy gets cone stuck on his head. * Baldrick kills a man by putting a splinter in his head. * Girls Aloud turn their dainty hands to songwriting. * Boris Johnston is stylish and dating Kate Moss....

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[ Tue, 23 Oct 2007 17:55:14 +0100 ]

Newspox 22 October.mp3

Hello. this is that news that you were asking for: * Killer bug on the loose, but don't worry about it. * We weren't very good at sport this weekend as we are a nation of Charlie Browns. * Lib Dem lieadership contest to be decided by a nice game of the Krypton Factor * Amy Winehouse has gone blonde and now looks exactly like Myra Hindley * Coke is it!...

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[ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 15:48:57 +0100 ]

NewsPox 16th October.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * We pay tribute to the late Menzies Campbell who was harassed about his age so much he dropped dead * Dinosaur alive and well and developing an allergy to modern life * Diana died in car crash shocker * If you want to do it with a horse give it some chocolate and stand on a chest of drawers....

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[ Tue, 16 Oct 2007 15:24:33 +0100 ]

NewsPox 15 October.mp3

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[ Mon, 15 Oct 2007 15:56:33 +0100 ]

NewsPox 8 October.mp3

Hello - here is the news: * Tony Blair is on holiday in Egypt, brokering peace by playing Grand Theft Auto in Sharm El Sheikh * Princess Diana - we solve the mysteries surroundng her mysterious death. * I shot the sheriff, but i did not shoot the deputy. * Alistair Darling looks like an old Harry Potter. * Debt Crisis! * Booze fuelled Britain. * all the classics...

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[ Mon, 08 Oct 2007 17:19:20 +0100 ]

NewsPox 25 September.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Cyclops are taking over the media * Yesterday Farnborough was just like Oz (as in the Wizard of, not the prison based TV drama.) * Kate McCann is the new face of M&S * Religion is bad....

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[ Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:50:04 +0100 ]

Newspox 24 September.mp3

Hello. Here is the news, live from the Labour Party Conference. * Blue Tongue disease has mostly been affecting Midge Ure and cows that have been eating cola flavour lollies. * Madelaine McCann spotted in Morocco having a go on a camel. * Britney Spears is the worst mother in the world. * We wave goodbye to Marcel Marceau, who now really is trapped in a box. Justice at last. * Why not play Scrabulous with Ian Huntley, or give him a fish for his virtual Aquarium? ...

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[ Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:48:59 +0100 ]

Newspox 4 September.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * It's a year since Steve Irwin died. We mourn for his loss all over a-bloody-gain * Don't eat Malteasers or Revels - they are full of rubber, and not in a good way. * The Lady Beefeater is already on maternity leave....

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[ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:07:01 +0100 ]

NewsPox 3 September.mp3

Hello. This is the news: * Pig gets filled with sand and killed. * Foxes steal golf balls * Wild cats are cooked for tea in Australia. Probably on the barbie and washed down with a few tinnies. * Fruit prices up! * Chocolate consumption up! * At the same time, fruit and veg consumption Up! It doesn't make any sense. ...

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[ Mon, 03 Sep 2007 17:45:04 +0100 ]

NewsPox 31 August -- Dead Di Spec.mp3

Hello. This is our DEAD DI SPESH and it's all about Princess Di and very topical indeed. Oh yes, she's only been dead for 10 years and for some reason we keep going on about Henry VIII....

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[ Fri, 31 Aug 2007 16:31:46 +0100 ]

Newspox 29 August.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * John Prescott retire from politics but is first in line for a new Spiderman costume that does whatever a spider can. * smoking is bad for you - and your mum agrees. * Amy Winehouse is having a nice holiday in the Caribbean, don't know if she took her own supply of heroin or not. * Princess Diana apparently peaked at the age of nine....

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[ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 17:11:11 +0100 ]

newspox 20 august.mp3

Here is the slow news: * Baby squirrel rescued from cat and then given an inappropriate name * Stabbings are the new black * Preston and Chantelle - on or off? * Christmas is cancelled because of the bloody Chinese and their poisonous toys. * Speedos are the new Stabbings....

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[ Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:49:01 +0100 ]

newspox 16 August.mp3

Hello here is the news: * Congratulations on your A Level results. They are irrelevent to the rest of your life. Now move on. * It was 30 years ago today that Elvis Presley taught himself to die. * It was 20 years ago today that Bruce Willis released the Return of Bruno. Now he has done a comeback album. * Some people have been stabbed. * if you are the pope and want to change your wikipedia entry do it from a hotmail account....

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[ Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:12:25 +0100 ]

newspox 14 august.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Don't play with Polly Pocket - you will die. * Don't drink too much alcohol - you will die. * Don't drink too much coffee - you will die. * Don't kill half of the only breeding pair of golden eagles in Scotland - they will die and you will be revealed as a cunt. * Why not try having a lesbian dream like husky Mariella Frostrup....

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[ Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:03:03 +0100 ]

Newspox 13 August.mp3

Here is the bloody news: * Madeline McCann is living in limbo and has her own modelling contract and range of clothes. Meanwhile there are children starving in Africa. * Piglet falls off the back of a lorry. * Monkey rides a dog like a horsey in a rodeo. * It's going to rain....

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[ Mon, 13 Aug 2007 16:18:51 +0100 ]

Newspox 1 August.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * Sharks infest the seas * Crabs infest the toilets * Spiders are on our doorsteps * Nature has gone WILD * Ooh and celebrities are thin / fat / stupid / poorly dressed....

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[ Tue, 07 Aug 2007 13:02:23 +0100 ]

NewsPox 7th August.mp3

Hello. Here is the news from tropical London: * There is a big planet made of farts. * Become a grass to earn a bit of extra pin money * Some Australian owls had some babies in London. * Gwyneth and Brad - are they over each other or will they be all over each other when they make a film together? I suspect the former. it's been 10 years, they've moved on....

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[ Tue, 07 Aug 2007 12:59:07 +0100 ]

NewsPox 23 July 2007.mp3

Hello to you and you and you. Here is the news: * We have read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, but we will not spoil it for you. * It has been raining now for 40 days and 40 nights. That Umbrella song has been number one for the whole time - it's a vicious circle. * Tortoises in very slow gang-bang. * Britain these days is all FAKE. Even the floods aren't real....

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[ Mon, 23 Jul 2007 17:54:16 +0100 ]

Newspox 16 July.mp3

Hello. Here is the news. * We are very excited about the new big talent show Ken vs Boris fight it out to see who will play Dick Wittington in Andrew Lloyd Webbers new pantomime. * Sir David Attenborough (the egg laying mammal named after the famous naturist) is alive and well and living in Papua New Guinea. * Bins smell...

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[ Mon, 16 Jul 2007 16:40:56 +0100 ]

NewsPox 9 July 2007.mp3

Hello. Back on form. Here is the news: * The Queen is Pregnant * Prince Harry dresses up in a tea towel and pretends to be a deadly gherkin * Nuclear power bad * Gordon Brown stuck in the toilet and is waiting for Tony Blair to rescue him. If anyone near downing street is reading this - go and let the poor sod out. The lock is stuck, or something. ...

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[ Mon, 09 Jul 2007 16:47:18 +0100 ]

NewsPox 4 July.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * We are back, ahving accidentally side-stepped all the Terrorist attacks. * Alan Johnston is back from captivity and into something we call freedom, which mostly seems to involve being haranged by the press. * Harry Potter premiere happened. I think Daniel Radcliffe is gay. * Weather is bad and Wimbledon is going all wrong....

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[ Wed, 04 Jul 2007 16:41:32 +0100 ]

Newspox 27 June 2008.mp3

Hello Here is the news: * Chantelle and Preston split! it's the end of an era. * Paris Hilton released! It's the end of an era. * Michael Parkinson retires from his chat show. It's the end of an era. * oh and Tony and Gordon do some sort of job swap....

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[ Wed, 27 Jun 2007 17:36:04 +0100 ]

NewsPox 26 June.mp3

News of the world: * multi-digit cat plays pool and uses cash register. It's mostly hanging around in pubs and making it's own entertainment. * It's been raingn fatally badly. * Hose-pipe ban announced. * Diamond encrusted ark being built by damien hirst * Louis Theroux has lipo to remove that stubborn fat from his fat back. * Giant penguins used to stalk the earth. Mostly waddling....

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[ Tue, 26 Jun 2007 17:23:00 +0100 ]

NewsPox 25 June.mp3

Hello. Here is the news: * We report from muddy Glastonbury. * Judge Hall is a big paedophile. * Harriet Harman is new deputy leader of the labour party, not the the deputy prime minister, because she is a girl. * Eastenders was good last week....

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[ Mon, 25 Jun 2007 15:04:48 +0100 ]

NewsPox 20th June.mp3

Hello. Here comes the news: * Glastonbury is going to be a mud bath and all the ladies will be wearing tiny clothes from the Kate Moss top shop collections. * Nick Ross looking good for his age. Matthew Kelly, a little bit ropey. * New Egg controversy * Boy breaks T Shirt wearing record by one T-Shirt....

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[ Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:27:29 +0100 ]

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